Listen Better

Leadership Lessons from The Bear – Part 1

I suppose there will come a day when I can watch television without immediately extracting a leadership lesson. That day is not today.

“The Bear,” Hulu’s award-winning series about a world class chef, Carmine “The Bear” Berzatto, who inherits the family-run sandwich shop after the suicide of his brother. His mission is to make “The Beef” into “The Bear” – a world-class restaurant. Along the way, he struggles to exorcise his demons and those besetting his family.

“Listen Better”

The Bear’s erstwhile and temporary leader “Cousin” Richie, still reeling from the family tragedy, undergoes a painful process from leading by shouting at everyone to an apprenticeship at a posh restaurant where his first assignment is polishing forks. Humbled by the experience, he finds new appreciation for little things done right and close attention to detail.

In his speech preparing the staff for the newly transformed restaurant’s opening, Richie exhorts them to anticipate and respond to every diner’s need, quoting from Herman Hesse:

Let us remember what Vasudeva, the ferryman, said to Siddhartha along the banks of the Ganges. He said, “Listen better”.

He concludes with a new addition to the English language: “Anticipation creates luxuriation.”

I don’t know about “luxuriation,” but I do know that listening better lies at the heart of being an effective leader (or coach, partner, father, or friend).

Richie’s speech grabbed immediate hold of me and while the episode continued, I wrote out 20 different ways to listen better.

For leaders, listening better involves skills at the core of the concept of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness and social awareness depend on the ability to listen and appreciate what one hears. The worst leaders are those who are unable or unwilling to listen.

Consider the key things we look for in our leaders: vision, connection, purpose, fairness, empathy, execution. None of this comes from listening to one’s own voice. The ability to analyze an environment and connect it to an organizational mission takes input from many sources. Motivating others is next to impossible without having a sense of what brings people to work each day. Treating others with respect involves knowing how they view themselves, the ways they expect to be treated, and the conditions under which they excel.

After a career in the public sector leading high performing teams and seven years as a certified professional coach, I still struggle to listen better. I learned to “W.A.I.T.” – or ask myself “Why am I talking?”, even writing it on a post-it on my computer as a reminder. On zoom calls, I mute myself to avoid giving verbal expression to every thought. I focus on listening deeply instead of thinking of what I want to say. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “there’s a difference between truly listening and waiting for your turn to talk.”

But the real way to listen better is to ask questions. Phrases like “Tell me more” and “what else?” keep me listening longer. Starting sentences with “I’m curious….” signals to others that I am locked into what they’re saying. Paying attention to facial expressions and body language help me gauge energy level, mood, and the emotions behind the words.

Great questions open up space in conversations. Each question increases the odds that those talking will feel they’re being heard. Questions bring forth data that helps a leader understand context – and how decisive it is to culture, strategy and execution.

Leaders who listen better are likely to make better-informed decisions, gain loyalty, retain talent and model practices of future leaders who listen. Those who do not may find themselves plateauing early, if not making a career ending mistake from missing important information.

Like Carmine and Richie, we are all works in progress. Listening better is something all leaders can do. Think of the luxuriation you’ll create.